


Trolling Diaz

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Smallville
Genre: Based on DBZ, Crack, Diaz is lame, Fights, Funny, Gen, Hilarious, Not to be taken seriously, Parody, Pure Crack, for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23139562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: The new Green Arrow reveals his identity to Diaz and trolls him to death. Pure crack fic that makes little to no sense.
Kudos: 5





	Trolling Diaz

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow or anything else you may recognize
> 
> This is a pure crack fic which was born when I was rewatching Vegito vs. Super Buu from DBZ and also Ultra Sargent's 'Arrow V. Arrow' trailer.
> 
> Lot of stuff in this is gonna make little to no sense, so don't pay any attention to it. All I want is for you all to get a good laugh. And if this is written good enough, maybe you all will roll on the floor in hysterics.
> 
> This takes place sometime after 7x1 of Arrow.
> 
> Oh! And for this story, imagine Diaz also grew a ponytail.
> 
> Anyway, let's get started.

Warehouses on the outskirts of Star City

Ricardo Diaz walked out of one warehouse inside which several of his thugs and the Longbow Hunters were working.

He was taking special drugs to enhance himself. But these modified drugs had given him more power than he had ever imagined. He was almost godly at this point. Even Team Flash won't be able to stop him.

He had tried to kill Felicity and William a week ago but the drugs had also made him irrational and had acted up in the moment, weakening him, so even Felicity had been able to overpower him.

But this time, the flaws from the drugs had been removed. He would kill Felicity and William, wipe out Team Arrow and Team Flash, rule the whole world and keep Oliver alive to constantly throw it in his face.

That was when he heard an arrow being knocked. It was fired at his warehouse and he turned around just as the entire warehouse exploded and went up in flames, killing all the thugs inside as well as the Longbow Hunters.

Well, no big deal, he didn't need them anyway.

Diaz then looked up to see the new Green Arrow lowering his bow.

Oh! This guy!

"I don't know who you are but you have made a huge mistake", Diaz snarled.

The figure jumped down and removed his hood to reveal a blonde man with glasses. There was a smirk on his face.

"All right!" He cheered happily before he started doing some practice moves in front of Diaz, infuriating him. "Would you look at me? I'm setting records."

He continued doing practice moves as Diaz watched him, confused.

"He's off his guard. Great", the guy muttered before suddenly firing an arrow at Diaz at amazing speed. It cut his cheek and embedded behind him, making him gasp.

Diaz touched his bloodied cheek with wide eyes as the man said. "Sorry about that. Did I catch you by surprise?"

Due to the power of the drugs, the wound healed as Diaz glared at him and snarled. "Who are you?"

"I am Oliver Queen. Just not the one from around here", he said casually. "I'm from what you lot can call Earth-167. I came to visit this Earth just like that and found out my younger, less handsome doppelganger is in prison. So decided to take his place for a bit."

Diaz glared in confusion as he said. "What do you call an Oliver who is not a sourpuss? Ollie sounds good."

Diaz smirked and said. "Taking over this weak city was starting to bore me. Maybe I'll finally have some decent competition."

Ollie mockingly gestured at Diaz to come closer and called out. "Yoohoo!"

Diaz roared. "Cut that out!"

And then he charged Ollie at full speed with a punch, only for Ollie to flip behind him. Then with a roar, Ollie leapt and kicked his face, sending him flying back.

"I once took drugs to enhance myself. Didn't work out so well. But now my friends helped me upgrade 'em to give me powers without side-effects. So now I'm powerful enough to take on you", Ollie smirked.

Diaz charged him again with a roar and punched and kicked him several times on the face before flip kicking him on the back, sending him crashing to the ground.

Diaz then flipped and landed on a building from where he picked up a grenade launcher and fired where Ollie had crashed, causing an explosion.

He laughed, until the smoke cleared and Ollie looked just fine. He smirked and flexed his muscles. "Thanks a lot. That was a good warm up."

"Nice bravado", Diaz mocked. "I bet you won't talk so tough once I get my hands on you."

Diaz then fired a grapple hook from a gun and it wrapped around Ollie's leg. Using his strength, Diaz twirled him on the rope and crashed him onto the ground, dropping rubble on him. "Dropping like a fly. And I did not even try."

Then there was an explosion and the smoke cleared, revealing Ollie was fine and flexing as he mocked. "Nice shot. That one really got the blood flowing. Can you throw me another one? Sorry about this but the powerful body is rather new. I'm sure you'd understand. You've been stealing this city's money for months, turning people into dead bodies due to no money."

"The only thing I can see is that you're twice as foolish as the Oliver I know", Diaz smirked.

"Funny. You think that up yourself?" Ollie mocked.

The two glared until Ollie leapt at the building at full speed, horrifying Diaz at his speed as he kicked his face, sending him back, and then punched and kicked him multiple times before sending him flying off with a flying kick right into the air.

Ollie then fired an arrow and it exploded. When the smoke cleared, Diaz was grievously wounded but alive as he fell on the building again. He roared. "Curse you! What have you done to me?"

Ollie smirked at seeing how torn up he was and said. "Pull yourself together will you?"

Diaz smirked as his wounds healed and he got back up.

"Now that's more like it", Ollie smirked.

The two then fought evenly for a bit and then flipped back as Diaz said. "So it's true then. You can do more than just talk trash."

"Trash talk, huh? Interesting phrase coming from trash himself", Ollie smirked, infuriating Diaz.

"What are you trying to suggest? There is no shame in doing what I do to hold my position", Diaz said. "I am the ultimate crime lord and terror of Star City."

"That's old news and just like you it is about to be replaced", Ollie smirked and cracked his neck.

The two fought again until Ollie got past Diaz's defenses and punched him multiple times before sending him flying back with a kick.

Diaz groaned as he healed from his injuries again and said. "You fool. You haven't won yet."

He then leapt into the building and leapt back up onto a higher one, holding up a nuclear bomb which was gonna explode in one and a half minutes.

"You wouldn't? Wait, stupid question", Ollie muttered.

"This nuclear bomb will take down the entire city", Diaz boasted. "We're going to play catch. If this falls to the ground, you can say goodbye to this entire city. Are you up for the challenge? It's all in your hands now. Don't drop the ball."

He laughed hysterically and said. "So are you ready?"

He laughed again until Ollie said. "If by ready, you mean superior to you in every way, then yeah I am."

"What's that?" Diaz roared in a rage.

"I'm ready. Go for it", Ollie urged him. "I'll make you a wager. You see this spot? I won't move from it."

"You're awfully confident for someone so small. But if that's how you wanna play, fine!" Diaz then threw the bomb at him.

Ollie smirked and raised his hands and using all his strength, caught the bomb before it could fall down, horrifying Diaz.

Ollie then took a run-up and leaping up, threw the bomb away. It flew past Diaz into the sky where it exploded as everyone in the city and Ollie and Diaz watched.

Ollie flipped and landed in front of Diaz who smirked. "I daresay you've been toying with me all along. If you could send that bomb into the sky, you could have inflicted much more damage to me earlier. But you still don't compare. No one compares to me."

"You're wrong, Diaz", Ollie smirked. "I'm destined to destroy you."

Diaz laughed hysterically and said. "We're both invincible. But you have one drug. I have many."

"Its quality, not quantity my friend. And my drugs weren't stolen", Ollie boasted. "But if you wanna win by petty theft-"

Ollie gestured with his hand again.

"ENOUGH!" Diaz roared. "You talk too much. I'll make sure you never speak to me again."

He charged again but Ollie effortlessly dodged his attacks. He glared while Ollie smirked before kicking him away.

Diaz angrily fired a grenade from a launcher again but Ollie deflected it with an arrow, sending it back at Diaz who ducked to avoid.

Ollie then kicked him hard on the face, sending him flying back and breaking his nose.

"I'll give you once chance- give up", Ollie said before seeing his nose bleeding. "Do you know your nose is bleeding? Clean yourself up, you disgrace."

Diaz snarled before wiping his nose and said. "I'm getting very angry with you. And for me, that is a very bad thing. So watch yourself."

He then hit Ollie many times before grabbing his leg and throwing him into the water. He then brought a machine gun and fired into the water many times before stopping. He laughed, until an unharmed Ollie leapt out of the water.

"That wasn't too bad, but your aim is lousy", Ollie said, infuriating him again. "What were you shooting at? Because it wasn't the fish or me for sure."

Diaz glared again as Ollie flexed and said. "Looks like I have to show you how it's done again."

He then fired an arrow that multiplied into three and exploded on him. When the smoke cleared, he was bleeding and moaning in pain.

"Take your time", Ollie said as Diaz slowly healed and then roared.

"I will get you. I must", he snarled as Ollie walked closer.

Diaz suddenly threw down a smoke grenade and the smoke covered them all and blinded them.

"What are you gonna do now? You can't hit me if you can't see me", Diaz boasted.

"You're half right. I can't see you", Ollie said as he ran into the smoke. There were sounds of punches and kicks and Diaz groaning as he fell out of the smoke, beaten up badly.

"How? Why?" He groaned as Ollie ran out of the smoke, making him back off in horror.

"When was the last time you took a shower?" Ollie mocked.

"I'll make you pay", Diaz snarled, only to get a punch to the face. He tried to kick but Ollie grabbed his foot and crashed him to the ground, making a crater.

He then leapt onto a building and fired a grapple arrow, tying up Diaz's foot and pulling him upside down.

"Give up, Diaz", Ollie smirked.

Diaz grunted in pain and seeing his expression, Ollie taunted. "What's wrong? Has your confidence finally dropped? You know your rule can't last forever. Not while I'm on guard. It's not much fun being hunted, is it? Being hunted the same way you hunted Felicity and William. Does it hurt?"

Diaz roared as his wounds healed and he pulled, breaking the rope as he jumped back down.

Ollie smirked as he said. "I warned you! I warned you not to make me angry!"

With a roar, he hit himself with another drug as Ollie watched. Diaz then suddenly transformed into a liquid form and leaping into the air, went right into Ollie's mouth. He went down his throat, filling up his entire body and fattening him up.

Ollie then stood as Diaz laughed from inside him. "I have you now. I'm inside you. Increase your power all you want, I will only get more powerful. If you were sick of me before, wait till I tear you apart from the inside."

He laughed hysterically until Ollie smirked. "You must really think I'm an amateur."

"What?" Diaz asked as Ollie took out another drug and hit himself.

Diaz screamed as Ollie's body returned to normal. His shoulder suddenly started expanding until Ollie punched it, making Diaz scream as he escaped into his thigh. Ollie elbowed his thigh and Diaz screamed again as he escaped into Ollie's back.

Ollie threw himself down and hit his back, making Diaz scream in pain again as he asked. "How? You should be under my control?"

"The drug I used isolated you within my body, so I have complete control over you", Ollie said, horrifying Diaz. "Which is fine I think."

Liquid Diaz shot out of Ollie's mouth and reformed in front of him.

Ollie wiped his face and said. "I's say add some spice, but I don't think anything will get your bad taste out of my mouth. I'm taking you off the menu."

Diaz roared. "You've got some nerve making me a joke! I'll destroy you! I swear if it's the last thing I do! I'm not your entertainment!"

He screamed in a rage until Ollie kneed his face, sending him down into the water.

He came out as Ollie said. "I hope you've learnt your lesson. There's no way you can beat me."

Diaz roared as he charged Ollie with a punch but he blocked. He tried to hit many times but Ollie casually dodged before kneeing Diaz in the abdomen, sending him back. He then grabbed Diaz by the ponytail and pulled him before throwing an explosive fletchette on his face, wounding him as his ponytail came off.

Diaz groaned as he staggered back before healing and asked. "You didn't think it was over, did you, Ollie?"

"Yeah, but I'm not disappointed", Ollie said.

Diaz gestured to the ponytail, wanting it back. Ollie smirked and tossed it to him. Before Diaz could catch it, Ollie fired an arrow and it exploded, destroying the ponytail.

Diaz was horrified and angered and blushing in shame as Ollie said. "Now, now, don't get angry. I did you a favor. You looked ridiculous with that big banana on your head. This look suits you much better."

Diaz angrily used his drug powers to generate another ponytail and snarled. "I hate you!"

"Feeling's mutual", Ollie said.

Blushing pink with shame, Diaz snarled. "You pig!"

"You're the one going pink", Ollie countered, humiliating Diaz even more.

"Don't be so down. Everyone meets their better sooner or later", Ollie said.

Diaz angrily roared and fired a machine gun and grenade launcher simultaneously, causing a lot of destruction.

As the smoke started clearing, Ollie suddenly flipped behind him and fired an arrow at his face. It exploded and damaged his face as he grunted angrily while Ollie mocked. "This new look is much better. Too bad it isn't permanent."

Diaz's face healed as Ollie mocked. "Hey, that was a clever idea using the machine gun, Diaz."

Diaz glared as Ollie continued. "No, really. And then the grenade launcher? Woah! Yeah. I could have been killed."

Ollie then looked up in thought and said. "Maybe I am exaggerating a little bit. But I could have at least gotten a bruise or a little cut."

Diaz roared as he charged but Ollie effortlessly dodged and kicked his face many times before elbowing his back, making him scream in pain.

"Oh come on Diaz, use your eyes instead of feelings", Ollie said. "Or just give up."

"Never!" Diaz roared as he faced him again. "Fool!"

He tried to punch but Ollie casually dodged before lifting his knee to block more attacks. Diaz roared. "I will kill you!"

"At least make me use my hands", Ollie taunted before kicking his chin, sending him flying back again.

"You can't lay a hand on me", Ollie boasted. "You're done. Give up. Quit. Admit you're wrong."

Diaz snarled in rage before saying. "Oh come on blondie! You want me to quit because you know you can't beat me. Come on, I'm calling your bluff."

Ollie started moving closer as Diaz said. "Yeah, come closer."

Ollie walked closer and said. "Let's end this right now."

"I like your style. You will make great candy", Diaz smirked before throwing a drug at Ollie. It hit his thigh and he screamed before transforming into a candy of all things.

Diaz laughed and danced happily as he picked up the candy. "Big bad Diaz! Coffee flavored huh! Should I chew you to pieces or lick you to death?"

He laughed and said. "You wanted me to admit I was wrong? Now time to die."

He laughed, not noticing the hand in which he held the candy was moving by itself. When it moved again, he noticed and looked with wide eyes, when that hand suddenly punched him, making him scream in pain as he dropped the candy.

"You shouldn't hurt yourself like that."

He looked to see the candy jumping up and down and asked in horror. "How is this possible? You can still speak."

"I can do more than that", Candy-Ollie said. "I still have my powers. I'm no ordinary candy. I'm a jawbreaker. Come attack me."

"You're so small. I won't attack you. I will eat you", Diaz smirked as he smacked his lips.

"Well then, eat me", Candy-Ollie said before jumping at his abdomen, making him stagger back. Candy-Ollie then hit his chin and head, making him crash to the ground.

"I told him to give up. How embarrassing", he muttered as Diaz roared and charged again, trying to hit him but Candy-Ollie moved away until he stopped.

Candy-Ollie then leapt at his shoulder and quipped. "Looks like you don't have much of a sweet tooth today. So I will show you a new move- pinball!"

He leapt at Diaz's face, sending him flying off before hitting his abdomen. Diaz grabbed him the third time and said. "It's over."

He tried to put him in his mouth but Candy-Ollie made him punch his face and teeth many times, letting him go as Candy-Ollie leapt into his mouth and ripped a hole in the back of his head, leaping out and chopping his ponytail again, making him scream in pain and madness.

"What's the matter?" Candy-Ollie asked. "You wanted to eat me. I went into your mouth. What more do you want?"

Diaz roared and threw another drug. It hit Candy-Ollie and he transformed back into normal Ollie, suit and gear included.

"Oh! It's me!" He smirked as Diaz charged again but was dodged as Ollie kicked him around and fired an explosive arrow, ripping him apart.

"You're coming apart on me, Diaz. Is this how you want it to end? So much for ultimate crime lord", Ollie mocked. "Break a leg, Diaz."

He threw him off and fired another explosive arrow, making Diaz scream. When the smoke cleared, he was badly wounded. He staggered up and healed himself as Ollie gestured to his stomach.

Diaz looked down and gasped to see he still hadn't regenerated it.

"Fighting on an empty stomach, Diaz?" Ollie mocked as he regenerated it.

"Now this is getting boring. So I'm gonna count from 10 to 1. Say your prayers, get something to eat. And then I'll kill you", Ollie said before starting. "10. 9. 8."

Diaz glared as Ollie urged. "You can charge me right now if you want."

He then continued. "7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2."

Diaz roared and charged as Ollie finished. "1."

He leapt to avoid Diaz's charge and hit him with another drug. Diaz screamed in pain as he realized he had lost all of his powers and abilities.

"That's why you shouldn't take drugs, Diaz", Ollie mocked before firing another explosive arrow. This time when the smoke cleared, all that was left of Diaz was bits and pieces.

"Welp, no more drugs for me either from now on", Ollie quipped as he returned to his world, not taking drugs to get superpowers again and continuing to be street level, as that made him happy. But trolling Diaz to death was definitely in the top 10 happiest memories of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> And done. Hope everyone is rolling in hysterics.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed and see you all next time with another update. Until then, stay safe from the coronavirus you all.


End file.
